Chat

Abbott: Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names. Costello: Funny names? Abbott: Nicknames, nicknames. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third-- Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team. Abbott: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third-- Costello: You know the fellows' names? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well, then who's playing first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I mean the fellow's name on first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The fellow playin' first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first base. Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: Well, what are you askin' me for? Abbott: I'm not asking you--I'm telling you. Who is on first. Costello: I'm asking you--who's on first? Abbott: That's the man's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it. Costello: Who is? Abbott: Yes. Costello: So who gets it? Abbott: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Costello: Who's wife? Abbott: Yes. After all, the man earns it. Costello: Who does? Abbott: Absolutely. Costello: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base? Abbott: Oh, no, no. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first! Costello: St. Louis has a good outfield? Abbott: Oh, absolutely. Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask. Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you. Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field? Abbott: Who's playing first. Costello: Stay out of the infield! The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because. Abbott: Oh, he's center field. Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team? Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher? Costello: Tell me the pitcher's name. Abbott: Tomorrow.